Simcha vs. Happiness Part II

Thank you all for the feedback from last week’s article!
Here is part two, with some practical applications. And here is the link to it on the Jewish Link’s site.

Part II

Last week, we introduced the concept of simcha and delineated how it differs from happiness. Primarily, we spoke about how simcha can be within our control and how it generally stems from being involved in meaningful processes that relate to values beyond oneself. This week, we will introduce a number of areas where the Torah speaks about simcha so as to draw out concrete, practical understandings of how to bring simcha into our lives.

Relationships: The primary finding of the Harvard Study of Adult Development—going on 85 years strong as one of the longest studies in the history of social sciences—is that deep, fulfilling relationships are the strongest predictor of happiness. As Kohelet teaches, two people are better off together than alone, and right from the get-go of creation, Hashem embedded marriage as an ideal life trajectory. How to nurture one’s relationships—because they, too, take work—is an essential topic, but beyond the scope of this article.

Clarity: The Metzudat David (Mishlei 15:30) comments that there is no simcha comparable to that of the resolution of doubts. We all are familiar with the stresses involved in making major life decisions, whether it’s choosing a gap-year program, a spouse or where to live. Once we have wholeheartedly made a decision, we can move forward with great energy that was inaccessible during the stressful decision-making process.

Integrity: Tehillim (97:11) teaches that, “l’yishrei lev simcha,” literally, people “straight of heart” will have simcha. This can refer to people of integrity. When someone preaches one thing but does another, that creates a psychological burden—an inner tension—otherwise termed as “cognitive dissonance.” The same is true if someone tells over a story but changes some details to make himself look better. Convicted criminals most certainly have limited simcha, but even telling a white lie can chip away at our simcha. As the Talmud teaches, a true talmid chacham is one whose internal world matches his external actions (Yoma 72b).

Giving: There is a special mitzvah to be in a state of simcha on holidays. Rambam teaches (Hilchot Shevitat Yom Tov 6:18) this simcha is achieved by giving to our loved ones—to each family member according to what is meaningful to them. Beyond that, he should also make sure to share his meal with—or otherwise provide a meal for—people without built-in support systems, be they orphans, widows, divorcees or adult singles. One who neglects to do so while making an elaborate Yom Tov meal only for their family, Rambam admonishes, is not pursuing an elevated simcha shel mitzvah, but a base desire to satisfy his gut.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski tells an apocryphal story which has exploded in pop psychology into a widely referenced concept called “fish-love.” “One day, someone asked a fisherman, ‘Young man, why are you eating that fish?’ The young man says, ‘Because I love fish.’ He says, ‘Oh! You love the fish. That’s why you took it out of the water, killed it and boiled it.’ He says, ‘Don’t tell me you love the fish. You love yourself, and because the fish tastes good to you; therefore, you took it out of the water and killed it and boiled it.’” Rabbi Twerski concludes that true love is a love of giving, not of receiving.

Is there a way we can test whether something is a source of genuine simcha versus worldly “happiness?” Rabbi Avraham Pam suggests that we should pay attention to how we feel once the event is in the rearview mirror. The pleasure associated with worldly happiness will fade, while the pleasure associated with simcha will endure. Students have asked me, “But I can still feel happy about a filet mignon steak even two weeks after I ate it!” Maybe so, but I would argue that feeling is either dependent on past history—a memory of the steak’s delectability—or dependent on future expectations—a desire to experience that physical pleasure once again. Rarely does thinking about a steak two weeks later give one a sense of meaning or fulfillment in the present moment. (And no, the em-dashes do not indicate AI use. I’ve been using em-dashes since long before Chat-GPT came along!)

At the heart of true simcha lies a life oriented beyond the self—toward meaningful relationships, lasting values and spiritual purpose. These sources of inner joy are not dictated by circumstance, but by the choices we make each day: to give, to act with integrity, to pursue clarity and to cultivate deep connections. And most importantly, they are within our reach. As we stand at the threshold of a new year, praying for the hardships of the past year to give way to blessings ahead, may we remember that serving Hashem b’simcha is not a passive state we await, but an active commitment we can embrace.